41 thoughts on “Notre Dame Sucks Jokes

  1. ESPN’s Gameday returns to Troy

    On a weekend when most of the nation will be recreating to the epic history of a real-life Macedonian warrior and his gay lover, ESPN College Gameday will be

    visiting the Coliseum as the Men of Troy face off against…

  2. Unknown says:

    You just have this site cause your scared the irish r gonna come back and win against usc this year and trust me they will

  3. FLGOOF says:

    Just remember who Notre Dame learned there football from. The University of Michigan in the early 1886 era. Do some searches and find the info needed to shove it in the face notre dame loving friend. I watched the game last week and the comontators almost made me puke talking about Brady Quinn. 1st round pick and so great.

  4. Kevin Bolin_from Carmel! says:

    i hate notre dame so much… i only like to watch teams that are good… i am a fair weather fan i like dick in my ear too

  5. Rem says:

    I am a Michigan fan who hates Notre Dame after that beating they sufered at the hands of michigan really makes you realize they are too overated. They call themselves the fighting Irish, when most don’t have an ounce of Irish blood in their veins. I may be part Irish but I am definately not a Notre Dame fan.

  6. rick says:

    The Notre Dame Football program has been honored on numerous occasions by the American Football Coaches Association’s Academic Achievement Award committee. The Touchdown Club of Memphis presents the Academic Achievement Award annually. The award has been presented since 1981, first by the College Football Association, and by the AFCA since 1998.

    Since the award began in 1981, Notre Dame has graduated 98 percent of its four-year players, achieving a 100 percent graduation rate on fifteen occasions.

    The Irish have been named to the honorable mention list 19 times, more than any other school. The Irish have also won the award six times, second only to Duke.

    Taking the 2005 BCS final standings, and then recasting the ranking of football teams by player graduate rates, its revealing as to how many schools with famous programs have cheapened themselves in terms of not educating their athletes. That includes Michigan with a graduation rate of only 68%. The Division 1A average graduation rate is 65%.

    1. (96%) Notre Dame (BCS rank 6)
    2. (94%) Clemson (BCS rank 23)
    3. (89%) Boston College (BCS rank 19)
    4. (86%) Texas Christian (BCS rank 14)
    5. (84%) Penn State (BCS rank 3)
    6. (86%) Florida (BCS 18)
    7. (73%) Texas Tech (BSC 15)
    8. (72%) Virginia Tech (BCS 12)
    9. (68%) Michigan (BCS 21)
    10. (67%) Miami (BCS 9)
    11. (67%) Wisconsin (BCS 20)
    12. (64%) West Virginia (BCS 11)
    13. (63%) Oregon (BCS 5)
    14. (64%) UCLA (BCS 17)
    15. (59%) Auburn (BCS 7)
    16. (58%) Iowa (BCS 25)
    17. (55%) Southern Cal (BCS 1)
    18. (54%) Ohio State (BCS 4)
    19. (53%) Georgia Tech (BCS 24)
    20. (52%) Florida State (BCS 22)
    21. (51%) LSU (BCS 10)
    22. (47%) Louisville (BCS 10)
    23. (45%) Georgia (BCS 8)
    24. (40%) Texas (BCS 2)
    25. (39%) Alabama (BCS 13)

    Notre Dame does not have ?jock? majors like those declared majors of many Ohio State football players, including ?Criminology,? ?Consumer Affairs,? ?Family Resource Management,? and, my favorite, ?Sports and Leisure Studies.? These are the trade secrets of Jim Tressel. Still, Ohio State?s football graduation rate is a mere 54%. Hmmm. Maybe Jim demands too much time from his players for football.

    Chances are, if you play football at the University of Alabama, you’re majoring in general studies. At Auburn University, lots of football players apparently want to be sociologists.

    Per a New York Times article published July 13, 2006, eighteen members of the 2004 Auburn football team, which went undefeated and finished No. 2 in the nation, took a combined 97 hours of their sociology courses during their careers. The course offerings were for ?independent study? and supposedly included core subjects like statistics, theory and methods, which normally require class instruction.

    Some in Congress are now asking whether some schools like Southern Cal, Ohio State or Auburn should continue to enjoy their tax exempt status at least when it comes to the revenue earned from their athletic programs because they only pay lip service to the primary purpose of their tax exempt status, the education of their students. It’s enough to cause one to begin to think there is intelligent life on Capital Hill.

    I?d love to see a hearing before Congress where the presidents of Southern Cal, Auburn, Alabama, and Ohio State were made to account for their abject failure to educate the athletes on their football teams. Only a handful at best ever makes the pros.

    The last published graduation rates by the NCAA for Division 1 schools showed the following graduation rates for student athletes competing in all sports:

    #1 Navy 98%
    #2 Boston College 96%
    #3 Notre Dame #95%
    #4 Stanford 94%
    #5 Wake Forest 93%
    #5 Duke 93%
    #5 Air Force 93%

    Here are some of the bottom feeders:

    #204 Alabama 44%
    #204 Minnesota 44%
    #204 Cal 44%
    #214 Georgia 41%
    #216 Texas 40%
    #217 Arizona 39%

    Think about it. If you can?t win with dumb jocks, then just how good is your coaching staff?

    RICK

  7. NDHater says:

    “your just jealous?” Your? Do you mean “you’re?” Must be that awesome Notre Dame education. Oh, and if you didn’t go there, then you’re just a flat out subway fan loser. Notre Dame sucks!

  8. Notredamerocks says:

    What has Notre dame ever done to you. They have Great athletes and on top of that they have superior students that can actually talk right. They have the most national titles (13), Most heismens (7) along with usc, and ohio state and maybe someone else. Last they have the most all americans.Tuchdown jesus, Legendary coaches, The golden dome and many more just adds on to Notre dames tradition and history like no other. Echoes of Glory is what Notre Dame is and forever will be. Notre Dame doesent insult Michigan, usc, Alabama or any other team. Every team has there own special tradition but Notre dame has the best of them all. Theres a magic in the sound of their name, HERE COME THE IRISH OF NOTRE DAME. Don’t hate Notre Dame, because when you think about it they havent done anything to YOU.GOOOOOO IRISHHHHH.

  9. What has Notre dame ever done to you. They have Great athletes and on top of that they have superior students that can actually talk right. They have the most national titles (13), Most heismens (7) along with usc, and ohio state and maybe someone else. Last they have the most all americans.Tuchdown jesus, Legendary coaches, The golden dome and many more just adds on to Notre dames tradition and history like no other. Echoes of Glory is what Notre Dame is and forever will be. Notre Dame doesent insult Michigan, usc, Alabama or any other team. Every team has there own special tradition but Notre dame has the best of them all. Theres a magic in the sound of their name, HERE COME THE IRISH OF NOTRE DAME. Don’t hate Notre Dame, because when you think about it they havent done anything to YOU.GOOOOOO IRISHHHHH.

  10. stephen says:

    Ya to bad all u notre dame fans werent even alive wen they won their championships and i dont even think any of u no were to find the dam place on a road map

  11. stephen says:

    Ya to bad all u notre dame fans werent even alive wen they won their championships and i dont even think any of u no were to find the dam place on a road map

  12. steven says:

    and plus the only reason there graduate rate is so high is because it would take a retard to fail that school…they also refuse to join a conference because they know they would get their asses kicked up and down the football field bunch of cowards and here is a stat that will amaze u only about 3 hiesman winners from notre dame out of your amzing 7 went to have some wat of a decent career

  13. alex says:

    Q: Did you hear that two of the Notre Dame playbooks Q: You’re stranded on an island with a cannibal, a murderer, and a Notre Dame fan. You have a gun, but there are only two bullets left. Who do you shoot?
    A: The Notre Dame fan (twice.)

    Q: Did you hear that two of the Notre Dame playbooks were stolen?
    A: Ty Willingham is very upset. He didn’t even finish coloring them.

    Q: What do the Fighting Irish and Marijuana have in common?
    A: They both get smoked in a bowl.

    Q: Where do you go to in Indiana when there is a chance of a tornado?
    A: Notre Dame Stadium. I hear they never get a touchdown there!

    Q: What’s the difference between the Notre Dame football team and a dollar bill?
    A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

    Q: Why do Notre Dame graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
    A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

  14. fuck you says:

    did you hear about all the usc fans on this site?

    yea thay all sucked each other’s dicks while notre dame was the greatest football team of all time.

    you are all fags. anyone who thinks this is a good website is a homo. bush push in 05. you got spanked by vince young. usc sucks dick and is in the ghetto. you are not a dinesty. yea oj simpson he was good. oh wait hes a fuckin murderer. fuck you. usc sucks dick. yea ucla beat you, theyre real fuckin good. southern ca sucks and steals nor cal’s water and puts out smog. fuck you.

  15. mich#1fan says:

    theres a nd fan a michigan fan a pennstate fan and a osu fan on top of a cliff fighting over who has more school pride the osu fan jumps off and says this is for osu the penn state fan jumps off and says this is for penn state and the michigan fan pushes the nd fan off and says thats for michigan

  16. BG says:

    can you 0-9! no offense, no qb! doughboy couldn’t name his qb ’cause, he didn’t he didn’t know! and he still don’t! coloring book connect the dots, and the big pop-up book….they don’t make for good playbooks c.dub!

  17. crushem says:

    ahahahahaha who honestly thinks notre dame is gonna kick ass vs usc? umm..no i think its the other way…notre dame is gonna get the ass kicking! did u them get crushed to michigan? damn that was a nice ass game! ahahahaha 38-0! GO BLUE!

  18. crushem says:

    ahahahahaha who honestly thinks notre dame is gonna kick ass vs usc? umm..no i think its the other way…notre dame is gonna get the ass kicking! did u them get crushed to michigan? damn that was a nice ass game! ahahahaha 38-0! GO BLUE!

  19. Big Guns says:

    well it seems the new play book doesn’t work either…man go back to the 99 cent store and get another one! that connect the dots isn’t helping much!

  20. cigarjt81 says:

    what do the fighting irish and marijuana have in common? they both get smoke in a bowl lol michigan rules go blue michigan baby

  21. razorbacksalltheway says:

    YA’LL are all crazy real college football is only played in the south and it don’t matter if you are big ten, pac-10 or independents the level of play and speed that produces great teams and great NFL players only comes from southern colleges. Pac-10 don’t have that great of offenses, their defenses just suck, big-10 don’t have good running backs they just have big nothing but downhill power backs and the whole conference has to do the same cause they don’t know how to do anything different. If you want real teams, real competition, real games and real college football then turn your eyes to teams in the SEC, Big-12(some of them) and the ACC(mainly miami and florida state)

    Oh and to the idiot that tried to use the “we graduated 96% of our students” remark all i can say is if everyones dad had a huge pocket book like everyone at notre dame and if my school was given so many BCS and NCAA special rules then any school across the nation could put together a winning program and graduate as many as they want. In the south SEC and surrounding schools it is mostly lower to middle class students working their butt off for scholarships and at jobs to pay tuition. I think any school can have a good graduation rate what really matters is what those people do when they get their degrees that really matters. Like Joe T. Ford who founded ALLTEL and Walter Keller who invented the pacemaker both graduated from Arkansas or both John Grisham and Gregory Keyes both graduated from Mississippi State, Jimmy Wales, co-founder of Wikipedia went to Alabama,Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity graduated from Auburn. And those are just people from the SEC West i could keep going for hours but i think i made my point.

  22. razorbacksalltheway says:

    YA’LL are all crazy real college football is only played in the south and it don’t matter if you are big ten, pac-10 or independents the level of play and speed that produces great teams and great NFL players only comes from southern colleges. Pac-10 don’t have that great of offenses, their defenses just suck, big-10 don’t have good running backs they just have big nothing but downhill power backs and the whole conference has to do the same cause they don’t know how to do anything different. If you want real teams, real competition, real games and real college football then turn your eyes to teams in the SEC, Big-12(some of them) and the ACC(mainly miami and florida state)

    Oh and to the idiot that tried to use the “we graduated 96% of our students” remark all i can say is if everyones dad had a huge pocket book like everyone at notre dame and if my school was given so many BCS and NCAA special rules then any school across the nation could put together a winning program and graduate as many as they want. In the south SEC and surrounding schools it is mostly lower to middle class students working their butt off for scholarships and at jobs to pay tuition. I think any school can have a good graduation rate what really matters is what those people do when they get their degrees that really matters. Like Joe T. Ford who founded ALLTEL and Walter Keller who invented the pacemaker both graduated from Arkansas or both John Grisham and Gregory Keyes both graduated from Mississippi State, Jimmy Wales, co-founder of Wikipedia went to Alabama,Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity graduated from Auburn. And those are just people from the SEC West i could keep going for hours but i think i made my point.

  23. karlmalone says:

    all this talk about how great notre dame is. regis is a faggot that represents all you alumni. 80% of the students are catholic. i’m christian & i don’t give a fuck about touchdown jesus. what a bunch of crock! what about all the child molesters?? ndhater & ndrocks are you alumni?? you must be pretty stupid. my grade school diploma not my doctorate from usc tells me that you don’t say “actually talk right.” the correct way to say it is “actually speak right” that means you are a dumbass. i personally don’t give a fuck about any stupid notre dame traditon. it’s all lame anyways. usc has tradition & i don’t have to boast about it. only b/c of all the catholics do you have your own tv broadcast. you are not any better. no one else in america gives a fly damn about you. who cares if you graduate so many students on your football team. can they even get a job or make an impact on life?? bet you didn’t know that pat haden on your f-up nbc broadcast is a usc alumni that was a rhodes scholar given to only 1 student every year. he’s also a successful investor. you should be worrying about getting a 1st down, not a touchdown. JESUS!

  24. karlmalone says:

    all this talk about how great notre dame is. regis is a faggot that represents all you alumni. 80% of the students are catholic. i’m christian & i don’t give a fuck about touchdown jesus. what a bunch of crock! what about all the child molesters?? ndhater & ndrocks are you alumni?? you must be pretty stupid. my grade school diploma not my doctorate from usc tells me that you don’t say “actually talk right.” the correct way to say it is “actually speak right” that means you are a dumbass. i personally don’t give a fuck about any stupid notre dame traditon. it’s all lame anyways. usc has tradition & i don’t have to boast about it. only b/c of all the catholics do you have your own tv broadcast. you are not any better. no one else in america gives a fly damn about you. who cares if you graduate so many students on your football team. can they even get a job or make an impact on life?? bet you didn’t know that pat haden on your f-up nbc broadcast is a usc alumni that was a rhodes scholar given to only 1 student every year. he’s also a successful investor. you should be worrying about getting a 1st down, not a touchdown. JESUS!

  25. BigBlueRules says:

    Hay razorback fan those are good points but when was your last heisman winner. Or better national championship. When was the last time you had a first round draft pick man. Oh and were talking football man. tom brady heard his name before where he’d go. desmond howard superbowl mvp. Don’t try the old app st. comeback either, we’ve won eight in a row not many teams can say that

  26. Sean says:

    I’m amazed at how so many people have so much hate in their heart for a school. I’m a ND fan, but I never went there. For those of you that say it is because I’m an Irish-Catholic, well, you are probably correct. Either way, I don’t hate USC, and I don’t hate Michigan. karlmalone, if you were a real Christian, you wouldn’t call Regis a faggot, you wouldn’t curse a Catholic school, and you would realize that the first Bible was written by the Catholic Church, of which any protestant faiths broke away from. Have a good day, and as always, GO IRISH!!!

  27. Sean says:

    I’m amazed at how so many people have so much hate in their heart for a school. I’m a ND fan, but I never went there. For those of you that say it is because I’m an Irish-Catholic, well, you are probably correct. Either way, I don’t hate USC, and I don’t hate Michigan. karlmalone, if you were a real Christian, you wouldn’t call Regis a faggot, you wouldn’t curse a Catholic school, and you would realize that the first Bible was written by the Catholic Church, of which any protestant faiths broke away from. Have a good day, and as always, GO IRISH!!!

  28. Sean says:

    I’m amazed at how so many people have so much hate in their heart for a school. I’m a ND fan, but I never went there. For those of you that say it is because I’m an Irish-Catholic, well, you are probably correct. Either way, I don’t hate USC, and I don’t hate Michigan. karlmalone, if you were a real Christian, you wouldn’t call Regis a faggot, you wouldn’t curse a Catholic school, and you would realize that the first Bible was written by the Catholic Church, of which any protestant faiths broke away from. Have a good day, and as always, GO IRISH!!!

  29. ndkid21 says:

    karlmalone sure doesnt make a good christian. you should be ashamed of yourself. Despite my natural urge, a rebuttal to your nonsense isnt necessary, thanks to sean who eloquently summed up the deffense against your pathetic rants. GOOOOO IRISH!!!!!

  30. John says:

    Notre Dame is the most arrogant school of all. Granted, Michigan State planting the flag at midfield in plain view of 4th ‘n’ short Jesus is pretty classless, but the reason for that action was because Notre Dame didn’t bring the rivalry trophy, the Megaphone, with them to the game. To not bring a trophy because you are under the deluded impression that you will beat MSU is plain arrogance, especially when you only beat Michigan State twice in the previous eight meetings.
    Here’s proof that Notre Dame didn’t deserve this Heisman trophy.
    1964
    Voters’ Choice: John Huarte Notre Dame
    Best Choice: Jerry Rhome Tulsa

    Huarte had a good season leading the Irish to a 9-1 record, but it was nothing special only completing 57% of his passes for 2,062 yards and 16 touchdowns. Meanwhile, Rhome passed for 2,870 yards and 32 TDs, while throwing 198 passes without an interception that season.

  31. BYU4EVER says:

    Why wasn’t Jesus born in South Bend?
    They couldn’t find Three Wise Men or a Virgin.

    How is a Notre Dame Cheerleader like a bowling ball?
    They get fingered, thrown in the gutter, and they come back for more.

    Why is the Notre Dame mascot a little leprechaun? To resemble the appearance of the student body
    (Mongoloids.)

    How do you get a Notre Dame Grad off your front porch?
    Pay him for the pizza.

    What is a Notre Dame Grad’s favorite line?
    Do you want fries with that?

    Why did O.J. hide in South Bend after killing his wife?
    No one would ever think of looking for a football player there.

    Great inventions to come out of Notre Dame:
    1. The solar-powered flashlight.
    2. Dehydrated water.
    3. Fireproof matches.

    Where do you go to in Indiana when there is a chance of a tornado?
    Notre Dame Stadium. I hear they never get a touchdown there!

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